Explicit Manor.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

It's been awhile.

It's been awhile but I'm back like cooked crack niggah!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Yummy.

Really.

This are weird. As shits.

but AYE, they whisper my name in the middle of the night. lmaoo.

I'd rock 'em with a fur shaw, rip jeans, head ban worn hippie style,

and just a bra.

Would you wear these?

Puff Puff PASS

Lmaoo. Always loved this cartoon. .

I think many are aware of my on and off addiction

to marijuana.

Me, My Gudda Half were smoking with like 7 people

and hoggin' had our own little rotation goin'.

Hence the nick name "power PUFF girls".

emphasis on the puff.

Mr. Right Now

HUH, this song here.

it touches me. (:

I've done this soo many times before,

liking, ready and ALMOST willing to fall.

but I've only fell once, I've always failed to take my impenetrable walls down.

now here I am.

My second change to fall in love, truly love.

I'm so scared,

It just hit me.

I'm Falling For x____________

Thinking OH SHIT. Not even words, nor sounds could describe or begin to fathom my fear.

Love isn't the type of thing you step into, you fall. Fall fast and hard, head over hills. I've realized I'm falling and I wanna STOP, I'm scared. AS SHIT. Never have the walls of my heart been taken down like this, he sees me emotionally and spiritually NUDE. I'm scared & vulnerable.

And it's not perfect, but I know when we argue,

we're arguing to stay together, to keep this going.

When I try to turn my back, he pulls me in.

HE tries to make me better, he has my interest at best.

HE always listens, not matter what. & not to every third word.

He makes me laugh, he does alot for me that is not needed or wanted but it is highly appreciated.

I believe his feelings are true because he hasn't given up on me.

He's the only the closest thing to be consistent in me life.

& I LOVE HIM.

Gravity.

(deep sigh)

. . . . .

It's late, Well maybe early

I'm just thinking.

life.

what about life ?

I have NO clue what to say about mine.

. . . . . . . . . . .

The Hardest thing is for me to forgive myself.

& it seems I can't.

I can't get from under the sky that is falling.

AHHHHHH !

. . . .

[thump]

that's the sound of disaster,

my guts splattered for the world to see,

my heart on my sleeve,

my emotions on my forehead

and the anguish in my face. . .

I wonder sometimes through some of my bullshit smiles

can anyone just see?

-----------

not to make a comparison between us but

Drake said they tryna shoot down his flight before it lands,

Shidd.

it just feels like someone's tryna shoot down my flight before it even takes off,

Like even before I can get started doing whatever it is I'm gonna do,

the world gnaws at my ankles before I step on to the road I'm gonna take. . .

Sometimes it's like my body

is working against me living,

like life is ah fight.

~~Asthma, headaches, heart issues, allergies, etc.~~

It's tiring I must admit,

but i won't give up .

I know greater things are to come,

and that all this will pass.

but I'm Impatient,

when will the hurt stop?

I don't wanna become

some bitter, cold-hearted bitch

like the rest of the people out here.

. . . .

that's what's wrong,

everyone is hurt and

no one's passing out band-aids

while they're busy trying to find their own.

[if that makes sense.]

I spend so much time rationalizing myself out of going crazy, if I haven't already, inserting the voice of reason to prevent catastrophic emotional meltdown, making conscious decisions to not let things get the best of me, that maybe, just maybe I need to throw something large and heavy out of my window so I can soak myself in its satisfying crash. I fill myself with so much talk about accepting, working through and moving past difficulties that sometimes I feel like I'm talking myself out of being human.